The Watcher

The journal of a woman’s unrelenting nightmare.

July 1

Have you ever worried that someone is watching you?

Someone IS watching me. I feel them over my shoulder but I can’t look. Those eyes are too frightening. It would send me into a panic if I saw them again. He’s burned beyond recognition. All of his hair is burned off and his skin is blistered. His eyes are bloodshot with the eyelids melted to his face. His gaze is unflinching.

When I’m in public I feel him everywhere. He’s in the distant when no one is around and he moves closer when I’m surrounded. That’s when I feel him touch me. He brushes by. His nails caress my arm and I feel his breath on my neck. He has a sickeningly sweet smell. Every time he gets near, he reeks of it. It’s trash covered up with cotton candy. No one notices or pays any attention. I’m left feeling that I can’t do anything. I don’t want to say anything out of fear he’d do something even more bizarre.

I remember him from when I was little. He was always at a distance. He watched me and would wave. He stopped waving when I got older. Then I stopped noticing him. I thought he disappeared. Then I noticed him again a few weeks ago. I didn’t recognize him at first. I thought it was someone with a skin condition. I tried not to look, but he didn’t go away. Then he began getting closer. He followed me. I saw him over and over. I recognized that gaze. Then he got closer. He started touching me.

He can’t be human. I see him wherever I go. I think he stands at the end of my street and watches me, just out of sight. If that’s not where he is, I don’t want to know where he could possibly be. It could only get worse, but I think it must be. I feel that gaze when I wake up in the middle of the night. I can’t ever place the reason for why I’m startled from my sleep.

July 7

It’s starting to get worse. I dreamed of him last night. I was following him. I started chasing him. I wanted answers, but I never could reach him. The entire time, I knew he was smiling. I could feel his glee.

When I gave up, I felt him inches behind me, but he wasn’t human, he was something worse. It was terrifying. I felt my soul tighten as his presence grew around me. It was sucking me closer into him. It was a helpless feeling. It was like the threads of my body were being loosened and peeled off and sucked away and I couldn’t stop it.

July 13

Ever since the dreams, I can’t get the gross scent out of my room. I’m terrified now. I haven’t been able to sleep until two a.m. since then. When I wake up, I’m covered in sweat and have to shower immediately and wash my sheets.

I know I should see someone but I’m too afraid to talk about it. I would sound completely crazy.

He’s not some boogeyman haunting my dreams and he’s not a stalker and I’m not making him up. Whatever he wants, I’m afraid to give him.

July 30

I can’t think anymore.

He’s making me paranoid, like he could read my mind. He could know what I’m thinking at any time. It’s all becoming more and more hopeless.

I think he can see through my eyes. He likes watching me and being me. He likes to feel my skin. He wants to become me.

The more I think it, the more scared I am. I don’t know where he came from. I’m starting to think he was never real, and then I made him up. Did I give him power to become what he is? Does that mean that I hate myself? Am I some kind of deranged monster?

August 3

I’ve thought about killing myself. It would end everything. I hope it would end him. I can’t live any longer like this, looking over my shoulder. I have to get away from his eyes. I need to get away from thinking of him.

I just want to forget him. I really want to die.